4m0w7_cy: (Default)
Woah! Has it really been 2 and a half months since my last post??? CRAZY!! Well anyway, happy new year! This was my first week back from winter break and honestly not much has happened since my last post lol. I did get a haircut and dyed my hair by myself for the first time and I'm super happy with how it came out~ I also trimmed my brows and started wearing makeup again~ Sadly the little growth I had on my nails I bit it all off yesterday on impulse... I really need to work on that!!! I also need to start going to the gym again, I found that using the bikes helps with my lower back pain yaaay!! I'm getting old... Need to start streching like the chinese grandmas... So I do need to make going to the gym a habit. OH! And I just got a new lid for my favorite water bottle in the mail yesterday!! So right before the pandemic I got a tour of Crunchyroll HQ, and during that tour I got an 18oz YETI insulated water bottle with a custom engraving showing I had gotten it from Crunchyroll on 2020. It's been my favorite waterbottle as it's been the perfect size to put in my backpack while commuting and keeps my drinks cold, however... the lid has always sucked a bit bc I'd always have to unscrew it to drink and it's messy... But I just found out YETI has interchangable lids w straws!? So I found a listing on ebay new in box and it came a week early!!! Lemme tell you... This lid is a life CHANGER!!! I'm so so happy I don't need to replace my water bottle and now it's easier for me to drink waterr throughout the day.. I am so pleased, and also it's made me want to give my water bottle a new life and replace the pealing stickers... I've been looking online to find some I like but tbh I think imma keep it blank for now so I have space for when I go to my next con. Sadly however I have to stop going for the time being as I need to save some me omeny for when I'm living in the dorms.
I was able to keep my tutoring job so that is a plus. Also apparently my mom's mom (who I'm no contact w atm) is going to help pay for my college stuff, and my mom's dad (who I am low contact w atm) is gonna help pay for repairs on my car so she is in tip top shape when I move!! Oh I am so happy!!! I did decide to take all online classes this semester.... So I won't have that many opportunities to make new friends, but at the same time I'm glad bc I'll just be leaving them in the fall. So I'm using this time to meet up w old friends before I move. I already met up w one friend this year so that means 2 more to go, these are my community college friends I've made in the past 2 years.
Over the break I did have a nice holiday, my roomates and I exchanged gifts!! I gifted one roomate a vintage Star Wars mug and the other a LEGO C3PO keychain to match my R2D2!! So cute!! My gifts from them was a keychain of Usagi from Chiikawa wearing a taiyaki hat lol! He's now on my rearview mirror and keeps me company on my commutes. ^_^ All three of us got matching plush keychains of Chiikawa, Hachiware, and Usagi that we have on various purses when they where still sold at Miniso. I also went to con with my cosplay duo to start off the new year, although I didn't cosplay I got a buuuunch of photos of her, they look so good!! When I transfer to my CSU I will be taking a photo editing class tho bc idk how to color correct props or fix flyaways on wigs,, So my duo had to do some edits. I had a lot of fun tho and it gave me a lot of experience, she had paid for my ticket and food while I followed her around con and took over 100 pics ehehehe~ So we bargained and called it even, she's also letting me use her photos in my portfolio if I do decide to pursue cosplay photography bc apparently there's a bunch of photographer creeps!?
So apparently con photographers, mainly male photographers, are hella creepy.. They will focus the camera on the body (aka boobs), will airbrush the face so smooth the cosplayer is barely recognizable, and run cosplayers photos thru AI WITHOUT CONSENT!! Horrid horrid... I was as polite as possible when asking cosplayers for photos and even was told post con that I was the nicest photographer a cosplayer had met, that made my day fr.. I think it really helps that along with being a casual photgrapher I'm an artist as well and a cosplayer of 10 years, so like ik poses and angles lol!! Although I'm not going to cons my roomates will still be going. I am sad I can't join them anymore atm, but it's not like I'm never going to go to cons w them again in the future.
Being 22 isn't so bad anymore. I may not ever live w my current roomates again, so I'm going to cherish the time I have with them now. I know we'll still be friends after, and hopefully by that point in time I will have a stable enough income I can treat them when we hang out. I also think it's for the best I'll be living on my own for a year. I checked w my mom and thankfully she's going to pay for me to live in my own room!! How exciting! My roomates and I have been hanging out a lot recently, and they do encourage me to get out of bed and join them too. So I'm happy! We also have cosplans for when I come back, so like I will be coming back eventually even if it's just to visit or to cosplay lol!! I think that while I'm living in the dorms imma start making cosplays again too as I'll have the space. I will eventually make a Miku cosplay for myself and a Kaito one for one of my roomates, while for the other we'll cosplay Sam and Castiel at some point as well. IDK when these cosplans will play out but I'm looking forward to it!!! In the meantime I have adult things to do to prep for when i transfer and to spend as much time with my current friends as possible!!! Also need to draw mire this year.. PEACE!!
4m0w7_cy: (Default)
Ok so, I turned 22 and honestly? I'm not happy with where I am at all.. My anxiety is really bad again, I feel unaccomplished, I'm extremely tired and lazy, and I was in a much better state a year ago. It's honestly incredebly embarrasing to admit… I want to have a routine, oh and my watch screen shattered! (I just found a replacement, fingers crossed the seller gets back to me and answers my question before buying. Anyways…) I thought by now I would still be drawing, reading, going outside more, because I was doing all that and more last fall. Also my acne got worse too :( IDK!! I've been dealing with some existential dread lately, as well as intense-extreme shame. I just.. Thought I would have accomplished more.
To be fair though, I've mainly been feeling shame about my academic progress, but for my first two years of college I was a whole different major. As for my social decline, last year I didn't have a literal stranger in my house who unintentionally gave me negative social status and drained me of any kindness I had left. That mf legit was my last straw of extending good will and favors for new people. I've blocked off making new friends since, they fucked me over soooo bad in the cosplay community I'm so pissed!!! Whatever whatever!! I was planning on coming back to cosplay hard core, but now I've resigned myself to the fact I won't be cosplaying for the forseeable future.. That's a whole different can of worms, but good news! Today my dad was able to move all their belongs out of our house, so they are officially gone and out of my walls!! HORRAY!! Another update from the future: that mf also lied on the day they fucked up the con. They implied that they where stranded at con when in reality their dad would be there the following day. Their dad who they claimed was abusive, who in reality wasn't but didn't want me to know, so they never mentioned they would come home safely as to not let me know about their dad being at the con… FUCK!!! IF THEY HAD JUST BEEN HONEST I MAY STILL GO TO CONVENTIONS, BUT OF COURSE THEY LACK SELF AWARENESS OR ACCOUNTABILITY!!! Whatever… Back to the vent sesh…
As for accomplishments, yeah I dunno.. I thought by now I'd be writting my comic, but honestly I'm super burnt out. I'm super ashamed about it too. I really hate where I'm at this year. I wanted to go to an entirely different college, but my mom (who I'm entirely financially dependant on for college) said no way and would only allow me to go to a college two hours away. Two hours away from anything I find comfort in, the towns I've learned to drive in, my friends, hell my job!! I'm just… Very unhappy, and the only way I'm going to be happy is if I get my bachlors, get a stable job, and go low contact with my mom. Oh and I got accepted today to the CSU so my fate pretty much sealed. However, I do have two of my own connections down there atm, so there's that at least. It may not be much but when I told some people my anxieties about being in a new town away from my friends they opened their homes to me to come visit.
Also this tutoring job is so ass!! I'll go in expecting to have two hours of work and straight up one of my students came up to the desk and canceled right then and there. So I only got one hour of work, after driving down 45 minutes to got to work!!!! GAH!!! I'm really hoping I can work at this local pizza place two of my friends are at, if I get that job I'm not coming back to the tutoring job in the spring. I'm so fucking exhausted honestly. I don't know how last year I'd get up at 6am, get on the commuter bus, and get home between 5 and 7pm. I'd also pack my lunches too, like??? I'm so behind… I'm working a seasonal weekend job atm, but once this job is over I'm going to be broke as ever. I only have 3 more weeks at my tutoring job and I am PRAYING I get the local pizza place job. I may also apply for this donut shop as well. We shall see we shall see… Well anyway, life has been kicking my ass recently. But at least I'm not as selfish, cruel, or straight up as entitled as my mom. She's honestly such a cunt sometimes!!
4m0w7_cy: (Default)
I'm finally an English tutor!! In spring I took the prep class to be a tutor, and now this fall semester I've been doing all the paperwork and observations to be a tutor. So exciting!! Today is my first day being on the schedule, but I don't have any actual students yet lol. In three weeks I'll be working my seasonal job again, so I'm looking forward to that as well. I have some bills to pay before the end of the year, but with both of my incomes I do think that is possible. I'm still a bit bummed about moving away next fall, but it doesn't feel as hopeless as it once did. I guess I'm just stating the obvious right now.. I still do not have a clear idea of the path I want to take in the future.
I do think I will stay in California, maybe I will teach outside of the US a few times, you know before I die, it would be fun to say I've done that you know? But being an international teacher is no longer my goal. I want to be able to come back to a home. I don't want to be forced to be a nomad and get rid of all my possessions each time I move to a new country for work. I will probably keep all my belongings in a storage unit in the meantime though. Until I'm able to own a house. Another thing I would like is to own a cabin cruiser in the bay area. IDK!! I feel like that would be sooo fun!! Being able to take a day trip to SF or something and sleep in my lil boat~ By the time I want to do that, probably in 5-10 years, I'll have the means to do so. I mean there's a lot of schools in the bay so I don't think it would be overly difficult to find a job as a tutor or as a teacher, while living on my boat. When looking for a house though, I'm thinking somewhere between Grass Valley or Tahoe? I've always wanted to live in a cabin in the woods. I'd love to live like Ursula from Kiki's Delivery Service, but I cannot find any listings for homes like that near the ocean or within an hour's drive of the sea sadly.. That would be my ultimate dream.. Sigh </3.. 
There's also a marina 40 min away from my current job. It looks like a lot of the other tutors here (a community college) left to finish their degrees, then come back to work here full time? Maybe that is an option.. If I were to work here full time in the future, I'd look into the marina again. I mean currently It's an hour commute to my job from my home, so 40 min wouldn't be too crazy, also it's all back roads so who knows? I would like that to be my future, even if just temporary. Anyways, I'm starting to get peckish so I'll stop here for now. Much pondering to do! 

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4m0w7_cy

February 2026

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